period piece, take it as you will. Sorry to all the men who decided they can’t
turn away and a big sorry to the husbands, especially mine who will suffer the
next few days****
Of course Mother Nature had to come knocking with her grand ol’ gift today, why wouldn’t she? It’s only the first week of my complete diet overhaul and why not throw a wrench into the week? “How much can you take Carla?” As most of you ladies (and some sympathetic men) know, that bitch comes bearing gifts in the form of cramps, cravings, mood swings and raging temperaments. The trick is, knowing how to conquer them all. Is this even possible? When your head is swooning in a million different directions and all you want to do is choke the guy next door while wanting to stick two fingers in the nutella jar and attacking it like a Popsicle; can you really control the biatch?
Let’s start with the cramps. My strategy today is to lower the salt intake (if that’s even possible) and drink a lot of lemon water. You would think this will leave me feeling like a sloshing beach ball but in effect it has the opposite affect by allowing me to flush out the toxins and excess salt and water out of my system. Also it helps keep those cravings at bay, which means my kids’ hidden aster chocolate is safe.
Mood Swings; of course exercise elevates my mood swings but I am taking a rest day today, which means no gym time, which usually leaves me a bit twitchy as it is. So, today my strategy is to stay the fuck away from everyone who annoys me and those who don’t. Luckily the kids are in school today but it’ll get interesting once the bell rings and the friends come over. I’ll probably be toe tapping by the door until the hubby comes home so I can scoot out and take a bit of a walk and breather with my iPod.
Cravings!!!! Really???? How unfair are these? Is it not enough to just haven endless stream of watery substance depositing from you? Mood swings,cramps and cravings have to actually be part of this whole bloody mess??? <--Pun intended! How can we stay away from the ice cream sandwiches and ooey, gooey, chocolate covered strawberries? My suggestion, keep occupied by doing something else and getting as far away from any temptation as possible. Chances are if you are out of the house and away from the crap, then it can’t magically appear in your mouth. Take a walk, drink an ice cold glass of water and brush your teeth with the strongest minty toothpaste ever. Nothing tastes crappier than toothpaste chocolate. Easier said than done, I know, but you can do it and so can I.
Good luck to you my friends, suffering from this debilitating monthly joke that someone thought would be funny. We may all need a little divine intervention today.
And to all you men out there pointing the finger and laughing, we know who you are and trust me, you may not want to point those fingers, as we are the women that live with you and you never know when our bark may turn into
Until Next Time,
Live From the Inside Out,