going exactly your way? You are on top of the world and getting your mojoback after a very trying few weeks, both emotionallyand physically. Your zest for life is finally coming back! You’ve seen many people that have basically given you virtual, physical and emotional high fives and it's the highest you have been. It's the kind of week (or in my case weekend) that makes you feel as if you are untouchable and has changed your life ...until..... Someone gets a
needle and with one prick deflates all the air in your overblown balloon that you have worked so hard to fill up.
Yup that's exactly what happened to me. To the point where bad habits were rearing their ugly head and creeping back into my life, in the form of binge eating. Call it a habit, call it a sickness, call it what you will, I call it life and overcoming emotional distresses in the form of my personal heroin, FOOD. The funny or sad thing is that these demons (if that's what you want to call it) creep into your soul when those that you love and trust the most prick your bubble. The strangers and naysayers
in your life are the easy ones to deal with because you can give them the ol' one finger salute and be done with it. You feel comfortable enough to voice your strong willed and vulgar opinions because you feel strongly and don't care about the implications of your words. It becomes a different matter though when the people that pop your dreams or speak ill-willed are the same ones that you have trusted with your vulnerability, that you have cared enough about to share the sacredness of your
life or are the ones you have considered so important you have put them in the basket of good eggs that you would never risk cracking.
So how do YOU deal with those people or how did I deal with that person. The best way I knew how to deal with such torment was by a good ol fashioned binge. Now I am not going to go into what I actually did, as my addiction is pretty sacred to me and reliving it would just give life to something I
amovercoming and don't think should be glorified. Addiction runs in my family, it has for a very long time, surprisingly not in my immediate family but I come from a long list of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder People and addiction obsessed folk. The addiction I speak of can be anywhere from alcoholism, to drugs to (in my case) food. I know there are many other addictions people have and I am not curbing any of them but mine is the one I am dealing with and I know many of you deal with consistently and on a daily basis.
Instead of letting you into what I did in my moment of weakness, I will tell you how I got out of it. As difficult as it seemed at the time, I let someone in. Actually if you know me, then you know how much I love to talk so I spoke with many people. I am lucky to have a close-nit circle of people that I can really trust and really call upon in my time of dire need. I knew what I was doing was both physically and mentally killing me and undoing all of the hard work I had put in, in the past few months, so I knew it was either talk about the difficult time I was enduring and the disdain feeling of betrayal I was experiencing (no matter how hard that was for me to voice) to the ones I loved and trusted the most or go down a very dark hole that would be even harder to climb out of. It was a choice between living a life of happiness and content in my heart or sorrow and pain and ultimately depression and sadness. I chose LIFE! I chose ME! I chose MY LOVES, MY FAMILY, MYSELF.
It wasn't easy to admit I needed or wanted help from the ones I loved as I thought the problem was me (as when people we love betray us, we are lead to believe). In my stubborn head, I thought I would be able to deal with the pain on my own but I wasn't, and neither can you. How can we? It's impossible to live a life without the help or LOVE of the people around you. It's impossible to be able to be ALIVE without getting support in the areas in your life that you need. There is nothing shameful about wanting or needing the help of the ones you love or finding an outside source if you think there isn't anyone that'll understand. I found my sounding board, my people to bounce my emotions off of and you should to.
The hardest thing is to be KIND to yourself and realize that you are IMPORTANT and you MATTER. You can OVERCOME whatever it is in your life that you need to overcome. Find a friend, a spouse, a parent, a counsellor but find someone. There is always someone out there listening, I know there is. I AM!
Until Next time,
Live From the Inside Out,